Shanghai Premier League

 
...............................................................Santi ……….................................................
 
Pete T……………………..….Dean……………………….Neil…….………..…….Pete R

  Rodi…..............................Mikey………………..…….Souza………….........Danielle

………………………………Andrey……………………..Nedwin……………………………… 

Subs:

Mikey, James

With the Voodoo having secured the SIFL title the day before and the sweet souled sounds of the black eyed peas blaring down the phone line at 2am, you knew it only meant one thing, a Galacticos Sunday. The game began with a full complement starting 11, those present evidently fearing McMillen’s ire after such sharp, almost seditious sentiment the previous week. In fact the team sheet was more notable than most for the inclusion of an actual Brazilian in the form of new boy Souza amongst the Galaticians.

 “Some people believe football is a matter of life and death I'm very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that” said the great Bill Shankley. With these words hanging in the hearts of 13 Galactico men and Danielle, an air of camaraderie settled over the familiar faces.

The game started at a traditionally intense pace reminiscent of the plains of Agincourt 1415 (not Henry V Mikey), the French wielding a far bigger squad outnumbering the British by 3 to 1. Distinctly fresh for a Sunday, both sides exchanged early blows, Kelly perhaps coming closet in the first quarter with a scuffed shot from a low cross from Ortiz minor. With the theme of the Galactico game set as “techers”, it was ironically the French who played the more fluid football in contrast to the Galacticos’ arching balls to the heart of the French defence, attacking down the phalanx through Infantrymen Rodi and Danielle.

With the sides locked in deadlock it was seemingly going to take a moment of magic or madness to unlock Pandora’s Box. The capacity crowd were granted both.

Firstly the French were taught a lesson in British wizardry. Never think the ball harmless at the feet of Mikey “Merlin” McMillen. Though an early speculative volley made no headway towards overturning rival Uidam’s goal tally, Merlin turned himself provider. Hitting a long curling pass with the instep of his left foot, his pass looped round a flat footed French defender (who had evidently  taken Antoinette’s declaration of “Let them eat cake” to heart and waist) and into the path of another man who seems to age backwards, the ever young Kelly. The experienced striker demonstrated all the cool and composure that has left him top of the SIFL goal charts and the urbanatomy.com most hit articles. Leaving his portly marker for dead, he took the ball perfectly in stride and finished with a placed shot into the centre of the net. 1-0

But as Triumph follows disaster so it can precede. Having provided impenetrable cover for rookie keeper Santi along with partner Neil, Dea-no techers suddenly sort to emulate his Liverpool idols. Unfortunately not the recalled Carragher, but the out of form Gerrard. Citing mytopia, Ramanouski sent a perfect through ball to a lurking French striker who struck into the bottom corner.

“The prompter the refusal, the less the disappointment” wrote Syrus in 1BC. So the evidently crestfallen picked themselves up, dusted down and laid down the pain. Walking in at half time heads were down. But hopes? Never!

 

Half Time 1-1

 

After some great tekkers by Mike O’B down the left, the business of the second half began with a tirade from Les Bleus. Creating chance after chance, including an effort that cannoned off the right post, it seemed for awhile that the Galacticos may luck out. Indeed the Men in Yellow almost went ahead against the run of play. A great break away set up a counter-offensive leaving Andrey 1-1 with the goalkeeper. With some good tekkers he rounded the keeper and rolled the ball nonchalantly into the open net 2-.... from nowhere a flying Frenchman leapt in front of the goal bound ball and diverted it out for a corner. Undeniably a game changing moment, the refusal of the French defender to give up (most unbecoming of his nation) and get back (retreating...that’s more like it) set in motion a renewed rouge verve, and kicking into overdrive, the Brits found themselves holding the last Bastions at Vimiero and Junot.

With the defense keeping their shape as becoming Wellesley’s troops, it seemed the French would need a moment of divine inspiration to break the deadlock. As in WWII, the French found a friend from the Left. A Stalin...sorry startling ball down the Galactician’s right flank left the French striker behind enemy lines. Holding up play, he cleverly picked out Nicholas Sarkozy’s long lost twin who bent a curling shot from the edge of the area into the far corner of the net. Turning round the newly self proclaimed chairman of the smug club turned around, all de Gaulle, and accepted the congratulations of his teammates.

 

Though as flukey as: http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2010/may/17/euromillions-lottery-winner-claims-84million it is undeniable the French had had the measure of the Galacticos and that a change of tactic was needed.

Confucius wrote “When it is obvious a goal cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.”

So the Galacticos rallied, playing a better passing game and supplying less long balls than previous.

The notorious Holocaust denier David Irvine, though a certified cunt, makes very valid points about the contributions of the Australians during the great conflicts of the C20. Here again his words hold true. Having been off the pitch at the start of the half, the Galacticos looked down under for inspiration and found it. Oscar Wilde once wrote that: “Football is all very well a good game for rough girls, but not for delicate boys” and so with hardened mettle and the most rough and tumble girl in the league, the resurgence began.

Finding space on the left Danielle dinked a delicate chip over the top of the Rouge defence to find the bandit Ned Kelly. With the ball sitting up perfectly Kelly lifted the ball over the hapless keeper with all the lethalness of Stringybark Creek, cueing wild celebrations from the capacity crowd. Yet never satisfied to be merely even, the heist incomplete, the Galacticos set to steal a win.

With both teams chasing victory the game opened, the French going closest with two shots just past the left post. Then in the dying minutes The Galacticos having pushed too far up seeking a goal, left themselves susceptible to a ball over the top which the speedy striker pounced upon leaving himself 1on1 with Santi in goal, surely not such a cruel twist? The youngster with equal speed hounded off his line to close the angle and bravely dived at the striker, who slotted the ball passed Ortiz and...wide of the post!!! Though divided linguistically, the striker’s body language said it all.

“Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose” wrote Thomas Krause.

So the Galacticos had almost lost, but with a final foray into the opposition half they searched for an unlikely win. When in crunch situations it is the experience that holds firm, but the talent that delivers. So the 70s met the 90s in a fruitful unison. Breaking down the right, old timer James worked his way into a menacing position before picking out fellow veteran Kelly in the box. Unable to unleash for his hat-trick, Kelly instead laid up Andrey for a grandstand finish. Striking the ball first time with his left foot, Andrey slightly scuffed his shot, but managed to do the all important and guide the ball passed the goal keeper into the bottom right corner. How the Russians had rallied!!!!

The goal signalled great celebrations and was effectively the last kick of the game. 5 hours later, Long Islands, Caipirinhas and whatever else lay in the Galactico wake. Suddenly it was 7 and time for work!

Good game to the ER boys

Galacticos 3-2 Etoile Rouge

-Pete
 
 
I would like to take this moment to educate those people who obviously struggle to either set an alarm or wake up to one on a Sunday morning. Either that or you’re too much of a faggot to turn up and play in the rain. Therefore I have installed a guide to educate those on how to set your alarm or wake up on time for such an event so there can be no excuses in the future. On a more serious note, those who didn’t turn up for whatever reasons badly let themselves down and more importantly the team. If you state that you are going to turn up then fucking turn up. A man is only as good as his word and if you start talking bullshit……….well you get the idea. Don’t give the big hardcore talk the night before how you’ll definitely be there, then go out on the razz claiming ‘you’re hardcore’ and then not turn up because you didn’t get enough sleep or too hungover. No doubt that most of you woke up around 8:30am with a full bursting bladder, went for a slash and thought ‘fuck it’ im too fucked and it’s raining, I’ll go back to bed. You should want to play for the Galacticos; there should be no decision process involved. It’s 90 minutes of footy, then go home and sleep if needs be, don’t be so selfish! If I can play 90 minutes on a Saturday, go straight out to party until 6am, be continuously woken by some crazy girl called Fiona calling me at 7am after finding her business card on the floor in a bar and leaving her obscene text messages followed by waking up at 8am to play another 90 minutes followed by another 4 hours of working with screaming and energetic kids, then I see no reason why the rest of you can’t play either! Next time just be honest and admit you’re not man enough to go on the razz the night before and then turn up for the game! Therefore I have installed a ‘list of shame’ If your name is on it, expect some rough treatment so it does not happen again! There are plenty of players we know who want to play on a Sunday who we don’t ask to play as when we have too many players people get frustrated due to lack of playing time. Next time when we have 17/18 players as we did last week, those who are on this list expect to find yourself on the sideline were you’ll have no right to complain if you don’t make it on to the field!!! List of Shame Pete Robinson Pete Taylorson Karl Carberry Phil Boyle Jay Viera Romuald Obi Luke McConaghey Andy (don’t know second name, but shooters guy, proper yank) Stewart Agnew Harry Cutler Andrea Bargnani (Although the last two turned up, it shouldn’t take phone calls from fellow Galacticos members 10 min before kick off to drag you down to the game, although they at least had the decency to answer their phone and make the effort to come down eventually!) Steps Get Into a Rhythm 1.       Determine what time you need to wake up on most days. Make this your sleep goal.

 

2.       Use your alarm clock to wake up at approximately that same time each morning. Our bodies’ physiological processes are governed by the circadian rhythm, a cycle that in humans is closely adapted to the 24-hour day. You will get used to waking up. By training yourself to wake up at the same time each day, you “set” your circadian rhythm.

 

3.       Figure out how much sleep you really need. Anyone about 13 and under needs about 8-10 hours of sleep each night. Individual sleep needs vary, however. Getting adequate rest is the most obvious way to help you wake up when you want.

 

4.       Go to bed at approximately the same time every night. Once you know when you need to get up and how much sleep you need, you can determine what time you need to go to sleep. While you may initially find it difficult to go to bed at the same time each night, if you make an effort to do so it will become easier over time.

 

Use Your Senses
  1. View your sleeping environment and decide what you can control. Awakening can be triggered by external cues such as light and sound; hence the effectiveness of the alarm clock. These triggers can override the circadian rhythm.
    • Light: Your mind will respond to light and bring you out of sleep. Leave your curtains or blinds open to wake up with the sunrise. Close them if you need to sleep later. Adjust the positioning of your bed to catch the light at the right time—you may need to move your bed occasionally since the sun will strike your room at a slightly different angle as the seasons progress. Remember that the sun rises in the east; in the northern hemisphere a south-facing orientation will receive more sunlight, and in the southern hemisphere a north-facing orientation will get more, but unless you are trying to wake up when the sun is high in the sky, you will still want to face to the east to catch the sun when it rises. As stated earlier, the position of your bed will depend heavily on the time of the year, and the time you want to wake up. If you need to get up before the sun rises, putting the lights in your room on a timer can also help, as this may not seem as disruptive as an alarm clock.
    • Sound: Noises (such as that pesky alarm) also bring you out of sleep. Identify what sounds regularly occur around where you sleep—and when they occur. Trains, automobiles, animals, and other people going about regular tasks can serve as waking cues. You can take advantage of this by noting what wakes you up and when. Consider leaving your window open to capture more sounds.
    • Temperature: Your sleeping body is very sensitive to temperature. If you turn your heat down at night and have a timer on your thermostat, you can set the heat to come back on about an hour before you want to wake up. Assuming you were at a comfortable sleeping temperature all night, this should prompt you to awaken. You can also use temperature in conjunction with light, since sunlight hitting your bed directly will warm you up. You may even be able to choose what blankets you use so that you will be comfortable throughout the night (your body temperature drops after midnight), but begin to get too hot as your body temperature naturally rises (regardless of external temperature), toward the end of your sleep cycle. If you want to take a brief nap outside on a hot day (when you are camping or backpacking, for instance), you can choose someplace to sleep where you will be in a shadow initially, but where you will eventually be in the sun.
    • Smell: If you drink coffee regularly, the easiest way to use smell as a trigger to awake is to put your coffee maker in your bedroom and set its timer for just before when you want to wake up. Smell is not generally a reliable way to wake up, though, so use this in combination with other methods.
    • Feeling: Drink a tall glass of water before going to bed. You will find that you wake up very promptly.and will occasionally have to wake up and use the bathroom, so you'll be up at least 30 minutes before target time.
Set Your Mental Alarm Clock Recognize that scientists have been unable to prove that the "mental alarm clock" can or should work effectively. Still, many folks swear by it. Others report that it makes them tensely look at their watch every 30 minutes to make sure they don't oversleep. If you want to experiment, follow the steps below:

Determine what time you need to wake up. Unlike the method above, this method does not require that you wake up at the same time each morning. Scientists have discovered that about an hour before a person expects to wake up, the body begins releasing a relatively high concentration of the hormone adrenocorticotropin into the blood. They believe that this may prepare the person to wake up. If this is true, you need only prompt the release of this hormone at the right time.

Calculate the number of hours before your intended wake-up time. If possible, try to sleep for a multiple of about 90 minutes; your sleep cycle repeats in approximately 90 minute intervals (this will differ from person to person). You can use this to your advantage, as it's easier to awaken from the lighter part (the end) of your sleep cycle.

Envision your wake-up time. As you lie in bed, think about the time at which you want to wake. Visualize a clock with that time on it, and visualize yourself getting up at that time. You may even find it helpful to tell yourself out loud, “I will wake up at (the desired time).”

Tips
  • As you're lying in bed, look at the time, (say, 9:30) and decide what time you want to wake up (say, 6:30). For about 20 seconds say this in a whisper, while thinking intently about it: "It's 9:30, and I need to wake up at 6:30, it's 9:30, and I need to wake up at 6:30..."
  • Be careful of taking naps. Napping can mess up the circadian rhythms set by a regular sleep schedule. They can make it harder to fall asleep at the planned time. If you do need to nap, try to keep it under 30 minutes. If you are napping every day, then make this part of your regular schedule and take the same length nap at the same time each day.
For all you who are still struggling here is a simple step by step video.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/video/699/how_to_set_an_alarm_clock.html?cat=15

Starting XI

GK: Santi

CB: Pete Wall

CB: Neil

CB: Mike O’B

CM: Mikey

CM: Deano

CM: Rod

SS: Ned

Better late than never players (Andrea, Harry, Paco, Danielle)

Andrea and Harry explained above, Danielle partly forgiven due to training Aussie kids how to play at sport which they might actually be good at. Fair play to Paco, less than 20 minutes after the phone call he was down on the pitch to complete the Mexican trio and was also kind enough to take a break from play when we eventually had 12 men.

Anyway enough about the no shows, let’s talk about the true players of the day. The blurry eyed Galacticos may have been slightly bamboozled when first arriving at the Jinqiao Stadia (just 15 min before kickoff – standard) as they were met by the Japanese military platoon performing expansive drills and fancy poses. After some research it was discovered that this is what they call ‘warming up’ which is defined as the preparing of the mind and body for the activities ahead to enhance maximum performance whilst reducing the risk of injury. It remains to be seen if this craze will catch on within the Galacticos camp.

The mighty Galacticos began the game with 8 men but as I’m sure we all know that it’s quality, not quantity, and quality is something the Galacticos have in abundance. If Japan thought this was going to be a stroll in the park, they were soon mistaken as it was the yellow shirts who pressed on to attack as we took the fight to the Japanese. Some slick one-two passing and darting runs, not only could Galacticos have been mistaken for having 11 on the pitch, but many onlookers may have assumed the real Brazil had turned up for their World Cup warm up game. The Japanese were rattled, and no matter how warmed up you, nobody can ever be fully prepared to play against the Galacticos.

Unfortunately Japan soon took advantage of the free space on the pitch, some swift balls up to their top men caught the Galacticos rearguard off guard and the Japanese were soon finding their stride. Debutee goalkeeper Santi did well to keep out the Japanese attacks, pulling off saves that regular keeper Neil would have been proud of. Although our backs were against the wall, the Galacticos still managed to play arguably their best football of the season. The extra space on the field allowed the yellows to utilize their supreme array of passing skills, linking well with one another in a true team performance. With little help from the referee or the inconsistent linesman, Japan went into half time 5-0 up, but the Galacticos left the pitch full of confidence and with 4 new arrivals knew the game was far from over.

Half Time

If this was Brazil’s warm up game it could have been confused that we were actually playing a Japanese team managed by the seedy Swede himself, Sven Goran Eriksson, as Japan replaced their whole team for the second half (yes they actually had enough players to field a second team). FIFA president Sepp Blatter must have choked on his caviar when hearing this, but this wasn’t the English National team so he’ll probably turn a blind eye once again.

An insulting move by the Japanese that only revved up the Galacticos engine another notch. Now there was a game to be played as the numerical advantage was no more, however the fresh legs was something the Galacticos could only dream of. Japan soon extended their lead, catching the Galacticos on the break and their superb finishing skills were on display once again. It wasn’t long until Andrea pulled one back for the Galacticos as a deceiving ball played in from the left wing was nudged on by Ned catching the keeper off guard allowing Andrea to run through unknowingly on goal with no one to beat. The second half was a half dominated by the Galacticos however the goals never came. With the second half finishing 1-1 a final score of 6-1, it left the Galacticos dwelling what could have been if enough players had bothered to care enough and shown up from the start!

A dazzling performance from veteran defender Pete Wall achieved high praise from the plaudits and passer bys, unfortunately this was a football game and not an audition for bambi on ice, as more time was spent on the floor than standing up. A rare outfield performance from Neil proved too much as he left the field battered and bruised after a resilient performance. The game eventually finished 7-1 to the Japanese but it was a performance that the Galacticos could hold their heads high to. Although some fantastic football was played on the pitch it was disappointing to see an embarrassing performance from the Japanese in terms of sportsmanship and they should be very disappointed in themselves.

Football is a man’s game, women can play too, but man up!!! What’s with all the screaming when you get touched by another player, it’s a contact sport, deal with and show a bit of balls. Going down rolling around crying after being nudged off the ball is just plain embarrassing, going down when you haven’t been touched, that’s just sad. Asking the referee to book players is diving pretty low, are you seriously proud of that? Not only is asking for someone to be shown a card a bookable offence, it’s a poor reflection of you as a person. So next time show a bit of respect to yourselves and just play football or don’t bother turning up!

Galacticos would also like it to be known that they will officially be reporting the Japanese for not playing their strongest 11 throughout the game and will wait to hear from the sport of arbitration later this month.

-Mikey
  1. View your sleeping environment and decide what you can control. Awakening can be triggered by external cues such as light and sound; hence the effectiveness of the alarm clock. These triggers can override the circadian rhythm.
    • Light: Your mind will respond to light and bring you out of sleep. Leave your curtains or blinds open to wake up with the sunrise. Close them if you need to sleep later. Adjust the positioning of your bed to catch the light at the right time—you may need to move your bed occasionally since the sun will strike your room at a slightly different angle as the seasons progress. Remember that the sun rises in the east; in the northern hemisphere a south-facing orientation will receive more sunlight, and in the southern hemisphere a north-facing orientation will get more, but unless you are trying to wake up when the sun is high in the sky, you will still want to face to the east to catch the sun when it rises. As stated earlier, the position of your bed will depend heavily on the time of the year, and the time you want to wake up. If you need to get up before the sun rises, putting the lights in your room on a timer can also help, as this may not seem as disruptive as an alarm clock.
    • Sound: Noises (such as that pesky alarm) also bring you out of sleep. Identify what sounds regularly occur around where you sleep—and when they occur. Trains, automobiles, animals, and other people going about regular tasks can serve as waking cues. You can take advantage of this by noting what wakes you up and when. Consider leaving your window open to capture more sounds.
    • Temperature: Your sleeping body is very sensitive to temperature. If you turn your heat down at night and have a timer on your thermostat, you can set the heat to come back on about an hour before you want to wake up. Assuming you were at a comfortable sleeping temperature all night, this should prompt you to awaken. You can also use temperature in conjunction with light, since sunlight hitting your bed directly will warm you up. You may even be able to choose what blankets you use so that you will be comfortable throughout the night (your body temperature drops after midnight), but begin to get too hot as your body temperature naturally rises (regardless of external temperature), toward the end of your sleep cycle. If you want to take a brief nap outside on a hot day (when you are camping or backpacking, for instance), you can choose someplace to sleep where you will be in a shadow initially, but where you will eventually be in the sun.
    • Smell: If you drink coffee regularly, the easiest way to use smell as a trigger to awake is to put your coffee maker in your bedroom and set its timer for just before when you want to wake up. Smell is not generally a reliable way to wake up, though, so use this in combination with other methods.
    • Feeling: Drink a tall glass of water before going to bed. You will find that you wake up very promptly.and will occasionally have to wake up and use the bathroom, so you'll be up at least 30 minutes before target time.
Set Your Mental Alarm Clock Recognize that scientists have been unable to prove that the "mental alarm clock" can or should work effectively. Still, many folks swear by it. Others report that it makes them tensely look at their watch every 30 minutes to make sure they don't oversleep. If you want to experiment, follow the steps below:

Determine what time you need to wake up. Unlike the method above, this method does not require that you wake up at the same time each morning. Scientists have discovered that about an hour before a person expects to wake up, the body begins releasing a relatively high concentration of the hormone adrenocorticotropin into the blood. They believe that this may prepare the person to wake up. If this is true, you need only prompt the release of this hormone at the right time.

Calculate the number of hours before your intended wake-up time. If possible, try to sleep for a multiple of about 90 minutes; your sleep cycle repeats in approximately 90 minute intervals (this will differ from person to person). You can use this to your advantage, as it's easier to awaken from the lighter part (the end) of your sleep cycle.

Envision your wake-up time. As you lie in bed, think about the time at which you want to wake. Visualize a clock with that time on it, and visualize yourself getting up at that time. You may even find it helpful to tell yourself out loud, “I will wake up at (the desired time).”

Tips
  • As you're lying in bed, look at the time, (say, 9:30) and decide what time you want to wake up (say, 6:30). For about 20 seconds say this in a whisper, while thinking intently about it: "It's 9:30, and I need to wake up at 6:30, it's 9:30, and I need to wake up at 6:30..."
  • Be careful of taking naps. Napping can mess up the circadian rhythms set by a regular sleep schedule. They can make it harder to fall asleep at the planned time. If you do need to nap, try to keep it under 30 minutes. If you are napping every day, then make this part of your regular schedule and take the same length nap at the same time each day.
For all you who are still struggling here is a simple step by step video.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/video/699/how_to_set_an_alarm_clock.html?cat=15

Starting XI

GK: Santi

CB: Pete Wall

CB: Neil

CB: Mike O’B

CM: Mikey

CM: Deano

CM: Rod

SS: Ned

Better late than never players (Andrea, Harry, Paco, Danielle)

Andrea and Harry explained above, Danielle partly forgiven due to training Aussie kids how to play at sport which they might actually be good at. Fair play to Paco, less than 20 minutes after the phone call he was down on the pitch to complete the Mexican trio and was also kind enough to take a break from play when we eventually had 12 men.

Anyway enough about the no shows, let’s talk about the true players of the day. The blurry eyed Galacticos may have been slightly bamboozled when first arriving at the Jinqiao Stadia (just 15 min before kickoff – standard) as they were met by the Japanese military platoon performing expansive drills and fancy poses. After some research it was discovered that this is what they call ‘warming up’ which is defined as the preparing of the mind and body for the activities ahead to enhance maximum performance whilst reducing the risk of injury. It remains to be seen if this craze will catch on within the Galacticos camp.

The mighty Galacticos began the game with 8 men but as I’m sure we all know that it’s quality, not quantity, and quality is something the Galacticos have in abundance. If Japan thought this was going to be a stroll in the park, they were soon mistaken as it was the yellow shirts who pressed on to attack as we took the fight to the Japanese. Some slick one-two passing and darting runs, not only could Galacticos have been mistaken for having 11 on the pitch, but many onlookers may have assumed the real Brazil had turned up for their World Cup warm up game. The Japanese were rattled, and no matter how warmed up you, nobody can ever be fully prepared to play against the Galacticos.

Unfortunately Japan soon took advantage of the free space on the pitch, some swift balls up to their top men caught the Galacticos rearguard off guard and the Japanese were soon finding their stride. Debutee goalkeeper Santi did well to keep out the Japanese attacks, pulling off saves that regular keeper Neil would have been proud of. Although our backs were against the wall, the Galacticos still managed to play arguably their best football of the season. The extra space on the field allowed the yellows to utilize their supreme array of passing skills, linking well with one another in a true team performance. With little help from the referee or the inconsistent linesman, Japan went into half time 5-0 up, but the Galacticos left the pitch full of confidence and with 4 new arrivals knew the game was far from over.

Half Time

If this was Brazil’s warm up game it could have been confused that we were actually playing a Japanese team managed by the seedy Swede himself, Sven Goran Eriksson, as Japan replaced their whole team for the second half (yes they actually had enough players to field a second team). FIFA president Sepp Blatter must have choked on his caviar when hearing this, but this wasn’t the English National team so he’ll probably turn a blind eye once again.

An insulting move by the Japanese that only revved up the Galacticos engine another notch. Now there was a game to be played as the numerical advantage was no more, however the fresh legs was something the Galacticos could only dream of. Japan soon extended their lead, catching the Galacticos on the break and their superb finishing skills were on display once again. It wasn’t long until Andrea pulled one back for the Galacticos as a deceiving ball played in from the left wing was nudged on by Ned catching the keeper off guard allowing Andrea to run through unknowingly on goal with no one to beat. The second half was a half dominated by the Galacticos however the goals never came. With the second half finishing 1-1 a final score of 6-1, it left the Galacticos dwelling what could have been if enough players had bothered to care enough and shown up from the start!

A dazzling performance from veteran defender Pete Wall achieved high praise from the plaudits and passer bys, unfortunately this was a football game and not an audition for bambi on ice, as more time was spent on the floor than standing up. A rare outfield performance from Neil proved too much as he left the field battered and bruised after a resilient performance. The game eventually finished 7-1 to the Japanese but it was a performance that the Galacticos could hold their heads high to. Although some fantastic football was played on the pitch it was disappointing to see an embarrassing performance from the Japanese in terms of sportsmanship and they should be very disappointed in themselves.

Football is a man’s game, women can play too, but man up!!! What’s with all the screaming when you get touched by another player, it’s a contact sport, deal with and show a bit of balls. Going down rolling around crying after being nudged off the ball is just plain embarrassing, going down when you haven’t been touched, that’s just sad. Asking the referee to book players is diving pretty low, are you seriously proud of that? Not only is asking for someone to be shown a card a bookable offence, it’s a poor reflection of you as a person. So next time show a bit of respect to yourselves and just play football or don’t bother turning up!

Galacticos would also like it to be known that they will officially be reporting the Japanese for not playing their strongest 11 throughout the game and will wait to hear from the sport of arbitration later this month.

-Mikey
 
 
Starting Line Up

GK: Neil

LB: Michael

RB: Santi

CB: Harry

CB: Deano

RM: Stu

LM: Luke

CM: Mikey

CM: Andy

SS: Danielle

SS: Andrea

 

Subs: Igor, Ari, Obi, Andy H, Jay

 

The weather has not been so kind to Galacticos since the New Year and this has played a crucial role in the Galacticos poor run of results, with our southern hemisphere friends struggling to adapt to the cold and wet weather conditions. However today looked to be different, the deck chairs, midday beers, shades, flip flops and sun were all out……………………then kick off came around and it all changed. Could the mighty Galacticos finally shake off their weather voodoo?

It didn’t take long for the Galacticos to get going as they came flying out of the blocks faster than Fernando Alonso and it was here that the true entertainment would be today. A second appearance from Stu, recalled back to the Galacticos from the Scottish highlands (well Glasgow….), has proven inspirational as he calmly slotted past the keeper from inside the box to make it 2 goals in as many games. It didn’t take long for Stu to add a second, a well rehearsed free-kick, allowed Mikey to slide a slick pass through to Stu on the edge of the box, catching Super 48 by surprise and once again Stuey finished the job off.   

The Galacticos onslaught continued for the remaining of the half, with Super 48 pitching their tents in their own half, allowing Galactiocs to run riot. Some swift passing allowed Danielle to receive the ball unmarked on the edge of the box and casually loft the ball into the far corner leaving the keeper rooted. With no safety car available to slow down the constant onslaught, Super 48’s soon found them spiraling out of control as goals quickly followed from Andy H and Jay V to put the game to bed by half time. Only the referees whistle allowed some rest bite for Super 48 as a quick pit stop allowed them to change their tyres in hope that they could somehow get a grip on the game.

Half Time Team Talk:

“Okay good half boys, keep it up………………….who’s going for a few beers afterwards? Anyone grabbing any grub? Any stories from the nights events???? I heard Stu had a night in with the ayi an accusation which was neither denied or confirmed. Who’s on the telly tonight? Right back on the pitch” – standard Galacticos inspirational stuff.

 

The second half continued much as the first with Galacticos dominating possession. Luke and Andy H added 2 more goals to the board and from then on the game turned into a training ground exercise with many players deciding to take up a ‘free role’ to get in on the goals. The perfect chance came for penalty shoot out hero Mikey to double his goal tally for the season when placed through on goal with just the keeper to beat, however tremors from the earthquake in Qinghai caused him to lose his balance at the vital moment, but somehow managed to knock the ball back to Danielle who’s miskicked shot fell kindly to debutee Ari who calmly slotted home. From then on anyone could have made the scoresheet, as chances came and went as Galacticos proved why they are not only the sexiest guys in Shanghai but we play the sexiest football too and as former Cardiff chairman Sam Hamann once stated “We are playing sexy football - in fact it is an orgy of football - the other team know they are going to get it, but they don't know when or where from.”

Russian maestro Andrea made a late appearance on the score sheet, who was also followed by the Galacticos’s youngest member Santi, who hustled his way through a crowded box to prod home a well deserved goal taking the Galacticos to a 10-0 victory. Stu also had the chance to complete his hat trick, but somehow managed to divert the ball wide from all of 3 yards out, only for the linesman to spare his blushes with a debatable offside flag. Whilst the checkered flag was waving in Jiading, the white flag had clearly been raised in Jinqiao and finally the Galacticos were back to winning ways.

-Mikey
 
 
...............................................................Neil ……….................................................
 
Santi……………………..….Mike……………………….Harry…….………..…….Obi

 Stuart…..............................Mikey………………..…….Andrew………….........Pete

………………………………Danielle……………………..Luke……………………………… 

“In Tequila warfare, even the greatest warriors are slain.”

 

This week’s match report is delivered to you through the medium of epic poetry. Accompanying will later follow an interview with first team goal keeper Neil O’Maonaigh-Lennon. Below are listed the characteristic traits of an Epic. Not all are necessarily included but then it’s a football match report and hardly anyone will read it anyway:

  1. opens in medias res.
  2. The setting is vast, covering many nations, the world or the universe.
  3. begins with an invocation to a muse.
  4. starts with a statement of the theme.
  5. the use of epithets.
  6. includes long lists.
  7. features long and formal speeches.
  8. shows divine intervention on human affairs.
  9. "Star" heroes that embody the values of the civilization.
Glossary:

·         “Per” – A Norwegian Champion of drinking

·         “Latina”- The number one South American buffet in town

 

To tequila they’d turned, in a night of warfare,

To stiffen the mind before they had got there,

Having faced Per* and other such monsters,

The boys left the bar feeling like ponces.

 

Weather far from fair and rain in their hair,

Great Per had left them worse for wear.

So taking the pitch already downtrodden,

Zeus opened the heavens, and they were sodden.

 

So against wrath of Gods’ the warriors fought,

The strike force all alarmingly short!

Without Ned or the Ramanouski

Not even Oracles could the future see.

 

But those there fought most brave,

As they are Galacticos from cradle to grave,

And though still angered, Zeus’ wrath briefly thawed,

And lo and behold: THE GALACTICOS SCORED!!!

 

With our offense as potent as Vatican cocks,

The ball bobbled to the edge of the box.

As soon as he hit it you just knew it,

A goal for the super debutant STUART!

 

Returning from Beijing, the prodigal son,

Down for a kick around and a bit of fun,

Out of practice and claiming he’d suck,

Perhaps it was all down to a slice of luck.

 

And so the team headed in half time ahead,

Having played very well it has to be said,

But just as the Galacticos are courageous,

So The Bulls are always dangerous!

 

-Half Time- 1-0

 

Playing uphill and still no sun,

The Bulls’ onslaught had begun,

Wave after wave against sturdy defence,

And in the final minutes the mood was tense.

 

Then one final attack, the Bull in the ring,

As WAGlacticos of their men did sing,

But when all seemed over a cruel twist of fate,

And at a stage so fucking late!

 

Mike tried a tackle on a trespassing stranger,

But instead went and clattered the danger,

An incredibly impressive and valiant slide,

But not a foul? I would have lied.

 

Duly converted, well placed to the left,

Having tasted victory the team were bereft

So well they had all defended,

But in the end, a draw it ended.

 

To Latina to go and drown their sorrow,

And try and forget about work tomorrow,

Spirits will always remain high under the Galactico name,

As Neil would say: “Love of the game.”

 
 
 
Picture
 ...............................................................Neil ……….................................................
 
Santi……………………..….Dean……………………….Harry…….………..…….Pete

  Luke…..............................Mikey………………..…….Andrew………….........Danielle

………………………………Andrey……………………..Rodi……………………………… 

  “Well, y’know, at the end of the day the boys done well. Credit to the other lads, really was a game of two halves” – Neil O’Maonaigh-Lennon


Conventional wisdom tells us that “football is a game of two halves”. This theory has been contested by Mathematicians at Lancaster University using software pioneered by the Russian Markov in the 1920s. Though the theory of the Lancaster boffins contests that football is in fact a game of “a four state, log linear, Markov process”, today’s evidence firmly corroborates the commonly held original hypothesis.

The game was played on a beautiful Sunday, light breeze and beating sun galore. Yet once more the Galacticos lineup saw itself devoid of its core. The once talismanic, now enigmatic pairing of Captain Kelly and Podcast Phil lay curled up, sleeping off their birthday blues whilst the rest of the squad fought bravely to uphold the honour of the club. Both players have each missed 2/3 of the last Galacticos games. Sources close to the club are beginning to question the commitment of the individuals who were once revered by supporters as the fulcrum of the side. Perhaps with the next game being the defence of a two year cup run we could expect them to return to the pitch as pride and a place in the Cup final await.

For those who did attend fought with a magnificent, and for the first half, unprecedented gusto. First McMillen beautifully played through Ortiz minor and the youngster cooly rounded the keeper and slotted the ball into the net. Then some slick passing and a snappy one two in the box left Luke to tee up Andrew on the edge of the area. Though unable to direct his shot, the American, as his nation are famed for, used all of his force to achieve his goal, powering the ball over the hapless keeper’s head.

Yet despite Chinese New Year being now a distant memory, for Ronaldanielle the fireworks had only just begun. Having earned a foul 30 yards from goal, the Aussie fought off the hoard of hyenas vying for an opportunity to strike at goal. Then with graceful class and control, rarely seen even amongst the ranks of the Galacticos, she stepped up and sent a curling shot round the wall and into the far top right hand corner of the goal. Wheeling round with a smile from eye to eye, spectators and players were reported to hear her remark “Ah lav that engul” before accepting the congratulations of her team.

With the team 3-0 up and the defensive pairing of Cutler and debutant Dean proving as impregnable as the Great Wall, the game seemed dead and buried before half time. Sadly they were only a mere Maginot Line.  The great battle strategist Sun Tzu wrote “Opportunities multiply as they are seized”. So Dulwich set out to wage war. Setting out with a far more physical approach a few bookings led to irritation amongst the Galacticos. The once gold and glad turned black and blue beneath the torrent of late tackles and it was not long before the Galacticos hit back. Only sadly we were seen. In the box. Penalty. 3-1. The first opportunity seized...

The score remained the same till half time and the trooped off at half time still smiles and head high in buoyant mood.

 

-Half Time Galacticos 3-1 Dulwich-

 

Perhaps it was the beating sun, fatigue from the pre-match party or downright exhaustion on the part of Mikey and Neil (Mr. Incredible and Haibao) who had completed an 8k run that very morning. Nevertheless after the break the mantra came into play. Dulwich were changed and the momentum they carried from the end of the first half transcended new heights in the 2nd. The Ardennes had been found and the wall was left firm but powerless to defend, the Dulwich Panzers spearheaded by a strong surging number 8 overhauled the deficit and left Los Galacticos 5-3 down. How now the players wished they were still curled up with Boyle and Kelly in bed (non-homoerotically). Unfortunately unlike at the Bulge, the counter offensive failed.

Well played to Dulwich for their spirit and the comeback which could have been far greater had it not been for the heroics of keeper Neil. It is a shame though that their very good play was undermined by what may be called banter, but is borderline bullying, especially towards the younger Galacticos members. From teachers of all people! This was underlined by a red card for a 2nd bookable offense for the right winger, who otherwise played very well.  It is hoped that when the sides meet in the Cup, the game will be played with less animosity and antagonism.

Well played to both sides and great post match Latina (“the best South-American grill in town”). Credit must go to Man of the Match Dean, who produced a sterling performance at centre back. The Galacticos will be looking to reverse the result in the same fixture in two weeks time for a place in the Cup final. It is thought Boyle and Kelly will be fit.

Title Text.

 
 
Picture
"A Mickey Mouse Team with a complete clown"
Pictured left to right: Mike, Ned, Neil, M.Mouse esq, Bobo, Mikey, Harry, Luke, Andy in Latina "the best Latin American grill/piss up junction in Shanghai"

Team:

 ................................…......Neil (replaced by Michael Uidam)…………………...........

Santi……………………..….Tony……………………….Paco…….…………….Danielle

Harry…………………………Mikey…………………….Andrew……………….Luke

………………………………Andrea……………………..Ned……………………………… 

“We took our 8-1 spanking like men”-Ned Kelly

Football has no place for wimps! With the 9am alarms accompanying the pitter patter outside, it was only the true men/woman (let’s not be sexist now) with gumption enough to grace the pitch. Sadly Phil Boyle and Peter Robinson were not amongst these men having perhaps taken the concept of champagne football too literally. Shame on them!

However the other 13 team members of the mighty Galacticos can hold their heads high. Pitting themselves against a fluent Japan team, who played with an electric pace and deadly precision, many may have been questioning why they too didn’t just stay in bed this morning feeling sorry for themselves. An experienced centre half pairing of Paco and Tony proved no match for the speed and silky skills of the Japan front line. Although they may have that extra second in their head, they would need at least seven to keep up with these guys. Six nil down at half time was very flattering though and true to the Galacticos spirit, we came out fighting in the second half.

The Galacticos response sent Japan on the back foot. With some neat passing and moving we took the game to Japan and it eventually paid off. Good work down the left from Andrea and Luke allowed Ned to creep into the box unmarked and cooly finish off the cross which curled into the side netting, a true fox in the box. Japan’s pace was still causing problems however the introduction of debutee Michael Uidam (Father of Danielle) in between the posts, allowed O’Maonaigh-Lennon to command the defence, limiting their opportunities and bestowing the Galacticos with a base from which to assert themselves. As the great Paul “Bear” Bryant Jr. once said: “defense wins championships”. However, Japan remained resilient and the game finished 8-1 to Japan and in true Galacticos fashion, the result was soon forgotten as the beer started to flow as we replenished our shattered bodies at Latina’s, to ease the thought of those Monday morning aches.

Although it was debated whether we would “take a bullet for our Mothers,” with today being Mothering Sunday, Galacticos proved that they would not lie down and that Galacticos Mothers is far more worthy (and were not just saying that because we completely forgot it was Mothering Sunday and didn’t get you a present).

-Mikey (edit Pete)

 
 
It's a rollover! 03/10/2010
 
Picture
Unfortunately Dulwich were too scared to lose in the rain so Los Galacticos left the champagne on ice for another week. Though perhaps a letdown for those expecting a great game of footie, the Irishman’s fortune cookie (commonly known as Guiness) predicts a positive future for the Green and Gold:

 “Good things come to those who wait”.
 
 
Team:

Gk: Banners
RB: Luke
LB: Santi
CB: Pete
CB: Ivan
RM: Roddi
LM: Obi
CM: Mikey
CM: Phil
ST: Pete
ST: Andrey

 

After the New Year off season there’s nothing better than a bit of cup action to clean out the cogs and work off the Spring Festival hangover. Going into this quarter final tie boasting a 2 year unbeaten record in the competition, there was more than pride at stake for the side whose league form has seen a slight blip in recent weeks.

However though the Chinese are back to work, the side found themselves without holidayers: Uidam, O’Maonaigh-Lennon, Cutler, Ortiz (senior) and Captain Kelly. So it was left to a makeshift outfit to defend the teams honour and recapture the fluidity seen in last year’s success.

With Kelly absent, podcast veteran Phil Boyle assumed the motivational role, organising and barking orders whilst fulfilling his traditional ball winning duties in midfield with partner Mikey.


-Kick Off-


The game started slow, the Galacticos appearing slightly unfamiliar with the new side. Yet eventually, having pressed hard a goal was yielded. After some fine play down the left, Andrea was left to coolly slot the ball past the hapless keeper.

Yet as so often warned, a team is most vulnerable when they have just scored. How mantras hold true. Riding a crest of optimism from the breakthrough, a brief loss of shape left an otherwise watertight defence hapless to prevent a well taken headed goal from the Bulls. Game on.

 

-Half Time-

 

Up and ready again, the Galacticos attacked their opponents’ goal with renewed vigour. Roddi continued to run ring down the right with the same drive and weave he has produced all season, proving he is not a mere Messi lookalike. With the pressure of several went close, part-time striker Robinson netting only to see his maiden goal ruled offside by the judicious linesman.

The deadlock was eventually broken approximately 15 minutes from time. With a freekick about 30 yards from goal up stepped centre back Pete. Despite the murmurs of the Bulls defence that it was “too far out”, Pete undeterred sent a curling shot towards goal. Though seemingly a tame catch, the keeper and players alike were aghast to see the ball spin out of the keeper’s hands into the net. 2-1

A short while later the same man went close again from a similar position, skimming the outside of the right post. Roddi and Mikey both had chances to kill the game off and with the Galacticos dominating every stat, it seemed more likely that it would be a third rather than an equaliser in the future.

Yet football is a fickle sport, and five minutes from time the Bulls meted out punishment for the failure to put the game beyond doubt. From a corner the ball cruelly struck the arm of a Galacticos defender with the ref pointing to the spot, followed by a cool conversion, we were set for a shootout.

On the back of the shootout defeat in the Santa Cup final, nerves were raised and eyes downcast as the question was asked “So, who wants to take one?” Yet in reality the worry was for nothing. With Banners in goal making two panther like save and all the Galacticos kick takers nonchalantly netting their kicks, it was the Men in Gold who won the day and advanced to the next round.

 
 
 
Welcome to the brand new Galacticos blog, bringing you the info and down low of all things Sunday league. Described by esteemed captain Ned Kelly as "A drinking team with a footballing problem", the men (and woman) in gold mirror their love for pitchers on the pitches of the Beautiful Game 

Sporting (attempting) a flowing brand reminiscent of the perhaps more illustrious Madrid based namesakes, The Galacticos are as much entertainers as they are winners. Though teams can be inconsistent, the core players provide a stern backbone from which to export their trademark flair and panache.

All games are played in good spirit and duly followed by team drinks at Latina: "The best Latin American buffet in town" - Josh Ozersky, Time magazine food editor.